If you would have asked me a couple of years ago if I hated anything, I would have told you that I hated green Jell-O and celery, individually and together. Now, I’m just not sure what purpose green Jell-O serves in the world. And celery, let’s just say that we choose to live in different realities. We’re cordial. We nod. We just don’t dance. As for everyone and everything else, I have carefully chosen to expand my vocabulary with words that express a deeper relationship with life. I don’t do this perfectly. I am doing this with conscious intent.

It is too easy to say that one hates Al Qaeda or poverty or any politian on any given day and leave it at that. Hate is too simplistic. Hate shows a lack of understanding, compassion and forgiveness. Hate can harm the hated, but more deeply damages the hater. Hate is a projection of unconscious fear. That is usually tied to potential loss or change. When we so desperately want someone else to be responsible for our discomfort, we project that lack of personal responsibility on a particular person or group and sometimes on everyone.

I am not suggesting that the offender doesn’t have a responsibility in the situation. Everyone has a role and is learning and teaching simultaneously. The tougher the situation, the less we want to feel the pain of the fear, especially when we feel the “fix” is outside our control. But, there is something critical to our well being beneath the armor that hate provides. It requires us stepping back, taking a breath and first facing the inner fear. Then, having enough compassion for one’s self to find and initiate a solution. Then and only then can we begin to face the bigger issue.

That issue is not feeling self-love. We all want to be loved (usually from the outside in). That includes all the aspects of love: respect, honor, being heard and supported. When we hate, it comes from emptiness. We actually hate our selves. Everything we interact with is a reflection of our emotional truth. Yes, we hear this a lot. We usually nod our heads in theoretical understanding and/or agreement. It does make sense. Then, we turn right around and use language that is mean, judgmental, fearful and/or self-defeating. Words have energy and power. They connect with the emotional body and we react. We react to our own words as much as others react to us. The outsiders can walk away. We live inside the vibration we have created. The words we speak resonate through our bodies, our minds and our souls. They affect us profoundly. Words can help bring on dis-ease or help us heal. Which do you choose?

These questions may lead you to understanding your choice. “How do you want to live?” “How do you want to be spoken to and treated?” “What is the legacy you want to leave?” These questions all have the same answer, love. We want to live a life of joy and purpose, ie: love. We all want to be spoken to with respect and compassion - love. We want to leave a legacy of contribution and sharing. Once again, both are forms of love.

Choosing to find and feel the love in your heart for yourself and for someone that has offended you on a deep level is being a grown up. Allowing yourself to move through the possible rage, fear and loss takes courage and practice. Seeing a healthy outcome and moving toward that is the greatest gift to your well being (Spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health) and the future for our children. It can take time to get there. It is our process of growth and huge part of why we are here in these bodies, on this planet, at this time. We usually don’t get it right the first time or the first hundred times. We are here until we get it. Sooner is easier. Later is fine too – just not as much fun.

Hate is not a part of who we are in our hearts, what we wish to be or what we want to leave behind. Hate has no place in our lives, not even when it comes to green Jell-O and celery.

I wish you love in all its beautiful forms.