Kim Pentecost

One of the greatest attributes of humanity is our tenacity. One of our greatest challenges is our stubbornness. -- When we cannot learn our lessons any other way (Spiritually, mentally or emotionally), our bodies take over and demand our attention. They can do that because they are of the 3rd dimension. They are built for stability and therefore heal and progress more slowly than the other parts of us. That requires our other selves to slow down and hopefully, ask the right questions, face the issues and take appropriate measures to rebalance ourselves. To our bodies, I say thank you for your wisdom, love and patience.

I have a story, a celebration and some insight to share with you. My mother had pneumonia while pregnant with me. I made the choice to come through when I did (another story for another time) so I was born without a set point or baseline for health. I was consistently ill as a child. As I came into adulthood, I developed what we now know as CFS or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I had lots of things in conjunction with that including arthritis and Fibromyalgia. The standard joke of CFSers was that I was sick and tired and sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Some of you knew and supported me through the healing process. Some of you did not know and yet, had patience and kindness. I am deeply appreciative to all of you. Some of you have been members of my healing team. There are no words to express my gratitude for your work, skill, understanding and love.

Recently, I went to see my naturopath to check on an inconvenient and stubborn infection. I did have a little something and he treated me. In the process, he ran the baseline tests. At then end of the consultation and, after a lengthy silence, he turned to me and told me that all my tests were within the normal range. What? I almost couldn’t understand him. When I looked at his face, he looked as shocked as I felt. I had always known that I could heal my body, but was never sure that it would really happen in this lifetime.

I was so stunned that I came home and promptly got a cold and put out my back shoveling. I was in shock. All my perfection pictures came screaming to the forefront. What did I do now? How did I act? Self-judgment swarmed around me like too many gnats. Then I remembered -- I had had to learn to be ill with self-love and grace. I had to learn to listen to what my body was teaching me. It took me 20 years of consistent attention (sometimes kicking and screaming) to learn, bless, love, release and heal my whole self. I could do this.

As I write this, I realize that my greatest fear is that I will mess this up and get sick again. I know that is not true. My next quandary is how to be well. I still have weight to let go of. I still have aches and pains. Is this normal? How much tired is OK? I look the same. You may perceive me the same and yet, I am new. My experience of the world is much like someone who has recovered from a heart attack or other life and death experience. My journey was just much slower. I have stopped and taken stock of the journey.

I listen to my body more today than before. I still do meditation. I will always receive healing work. I know that balance is dynamic. I have made a promise to myself to pay attention, not try and be perfect. My relationship with all aspects of me is foundationally different. My relationship with the world has altered. It has taken me some time to get my head around all of this. I am releasing my perfect pictures. I have sat in tears of gratitude. I know that will continue until I leave this planet (which will be a very long from now). I realize that this new adventure is as demanding as the old one. It is built on conscious choice in creation, not a promise to clean up karma and heal dysfunction from past lives.

There will be lessons to learn. There will be days I learn in grace and days I learn in challenge. There will be moments of frustration. I now live by what I learned in the process of CFS. I face the issues, take personal responsibility, receive help when appropriate, take action and live in love. I am still a risk taker. I still love my children and great conversation. I still love football (although I can understand it more than ever before). I still love lavender and a great cup of coffee. I guess some things are the same and I am experiencing them with greater presence and appreciation.

So, I stand before you and ask you to look at your colds, your sprained ankles, your allergies and what ever else your body is using to teach you with. Ask your body what the lesson is. Listen, learn, bless, release and love. Your body is not your enemy. It is your loving partner and teacher. It has patience and can see you through to a new way of living, greater knowledge, wisdom and peace. I have a new life and a new adventure in this, oh so amazing temple. And, as I look back over the last 20 years, I realize that each day has been, is and always will be an adventure in love and learning.

Kim

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
-James Baldwin

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